I Love You, But You Make Me Sick

Dear Baby,                                                                                                                   Sept.1, 2012
          Hi. It's been a while since I last wrote to you. I have had lots of things to say and I wanted to write sooner, but I have been very sick. I am in my ninth week of pregnancy, which means you are seven weeks old. You are so much more than a ball of cells now. In fact you graduated from blastocyst, to embryo, and now to a fetus. You have the makings of everything you need to survive including a beating heart, a brain, some other major organs, and  little buds that will grow into your feet and legs, hands and arms. You are about the size of an olive, many times bigger than when you started. I hope you are feeling great, because I am not.
         Each day I start out by getting up to pee, then hurrying to turn and throw up over and over again. I rush to eat something to ease the nausea and to keep from throwing up more bile. All day I am plaqued by smells of food cooking, students at school, or exhaust from cars on the road. The smells seem so strong and so unbearable when you're already super nauseous. My skin looks worse than it did when I went through puberty in high school and nothing I use helps. If it dries up the acne then it dries up my whole face into a flaky mess and if I use more sensitve products, more zits pop up here and there. I feel ugly and fat and tired looking and I can no longer wear the cute things in my closet. I haven't pooped on my own for several weeks now. I have to use all kinds of wonderful methods just to pop out a few litttle hard pellets. Lovely.
     Why am I telling you this? I'm sure in your head you are thinking, "Eew, MOM, c'mon!" You are old enough now (if you are reading this yourself) to handle the cold hard truth. I want you to have this information not just to share with you the sacrifices I've made for you, but for when you decide to have children of your own. Your father and I waited for almost seven years and though we love you with our whole hearts, we are sure glad we waited. Parenthood is no walk in the park, even before your child has entered the world. It is still so amazing to me that you,right now, at just the size of a green olive, can cause so many changes in my body and in turn in my day to day life. This is the beginning of putting you before myself. My needs and wants are no longer what is most important in my life. I am responsible for caring for you and you need me to survive. That is SCARY! I thought I would have more time to adjust to the sacrifices of parenting but it starts pretty much right from the get go. Yes, there is still time to prepare and for now I can decide for the most part when I go to bed and when I get up. But, I am already in the process of letting go a little bit of me to make room for a whole lot of you.
     Next week, I will hopefully get to hear your little heartbeat. Please be in a good position so we can hear you! It would really cheer me up and make all of this icky stuff feel easier. I love you.

Love,
Mom